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Posts Tagged ‘Review’

King Of Kooky Tim Burton Makes Wacky Film Based On A Mad And Unrealistic Book With Crazy Characters With Johnny Depp And Helena Bonham Carter…Kim Haydon Reviews Alice In Wonderland

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

Alice pictured with Cheshire Cat in Wonderland sometime in the 1940's

An impatient white rabbit with a watch-fob lures a young girl down an impossibly large rabbit hole where, upon defying the simple laws of gravity by evading the impending splatter of her body on whatever may be lying in wait for her at the bottom, lands safely and embarks on many whimsical adventures. During her journey, the girl encounters growth, shrinkage, anthropomorphic playing cards, floating cats, and an excess of cups and saucers. As things begin to seem all too familiar, she ponders to herself “Have I seen this all before?” Yes dear, we all have, so many times. This is ‘Wonderland’ and you are Alice.

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You Know Needs Doing? Popular Culture Rape. We’ve Done Star Wars and Indiana Jones, We’ll Do Clash Now Then Move On To Back To The Future After A Sit Down…Dave Hammond Reviews Clash Of The Titans

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

Bubo missing from 2010's Clash Of The Tit-Heads

There are no new ideas any more. This is what Hollywood is telling us. All humanity’s ideas were used up sometime in the last few years and have left us all scratching our collective heads about what we should do to entertain. That is until the next visionary with truly unique thinking and ideas is born from whom we can bask in their creative glory. Until then however, we as a species shall just remake everything that was made before but with a sneaky and rather clever twist. We shall make everything slightly worse. Example 1.A. the 2010 Clash Of The Titans remake.

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Aliens Versus A Different Type Of Alien Versus Humans. To The Aliens, Humans Must Appear Rather Alien. Aliens Versus Aliens From Different Perspectives (If You Are An Alien)…Dave Hammond Reviews Aliens vs Predator.

Sunday, March 21st, 2010

"One expects they will most probably arrive sometime in the evening...most probably"

The “Alien” and “Predator” series have become the prime example of what happens when people fail to leave things alone. Good things aren’t supposed to be tampered with, and extra additions to a perfectly good thing usually ends up ruining the overall experience. This is why cakes only have certain amounts of ingredients…

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King Of The Iron Fist Tournament Still Remains The Safe Haven For Those Who Hate The Elderly, Women, Animals, Most Ethnic Groups, And Mythical Beasts And Want To Give Them A Damn Good Thrashing…Sam Divey Reviews Tekken 6

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

Buy this game and kick endangered species in their loveable and scarce faces.

“The King of Iron Fist Tournament. Enter the… TEH-KENNN”

This little phrase is among my earliest memories of video games. After punching, kicking and throwing your way through eight matches of gruelling martial arts combat and beating up a big, hairy, flying troll at the end (not Bill Bailey with wings, in case you were wondering), the fight announcer would speak this line, pronounce the name of the game in a funny way, and the Tekken 3 credits would roll.

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Apple Unveil Strange Monolithic Omniscient Tablet, People Buy In Droves But Not Sure Why…Dave Gets Hands On With The Apple iPad

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

Apple "Think Different" or at least slightly larger than your previous product.

Apple zealots rejoiced this Wednesday as grand master Steve Jobs aka Zeus, presented the people of Earth with his take on the world of portable computing. The Apple iPad, allegedly named not after the popular Malaysian sanitary product as many suggested, but instead after his favourite clipboard, took the entire universe by storm.

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