"Haha! You know you're right! 'Along Came Polly' was shit"
Undoubtedly the most beautiful and best loved Friend, Jennifer Aniston had all the potential of great Hollywood success. She lit up the small screen with such ease, yet her every attempt at mirroring this success on the silver screen has pandered into total insignificance.
Poor film choices? Not enough versatility? Blame Brad? All of the above? Jenny…why haven’t things gone more right?
The early years of her film career (during Friends), were made up of weak RomComs (Picture Perfect, The Object of My Affection), that were clearly designed as big screen outlets of her small screen character Rachel. Why watch them when you can watch Friends itself which is a hundred times more worth while?? And post-Friends things haven’t improved much. So purely out of curiosity, I decided to find and watch as many Aniston films as I could stomach, to investigate for myself what the deal is with our Jenny.
The one thing that really stands out is that (and I hate to say it because I do love her), Aniston is always Rachel from Friends. Or maybe she is always herself…(which I would wager is probably pretty similar – watch her in interviews, not much difference)?
There are a couple of exceptions, with mixed results.
The Good Girl is quite a solid attempt at diversity, with Aniston portraying a hopeless woman trapped in her directionless life (and attempting a southern accent not so successfully).
Sadly her attempts at a femme fatale type in Derailed are completely overshadowed by the ludicrous plot. One rape scene and a few more agonizing plot twists than I can handle before I start openly self harming.
But the majority of films Aniston has starred in, she has completely faded into the background. Take Bruce Almighty (fear not, you don’t have dementia; nobody remembers her in it), or He’s Just Not That Into You (fair enough it was an ensemble, but she failed to even make a ripple). Even when she has taken on more substantial roles such as Along Came Polly and Marley And Me, she has still failed to stand out again much stronger male leads (and of course star animals: the ferret and the dog respectively).
There is one film of hers that does stand out in my mind: The Break Up, (say WHAT!?). We all know it was not well received, rather slated by all who saw it. It’s not easy viewing and it’s certainly not the roaring RomCom it was marketed as. It stands out for me because it was a very bold move by Aniston to totally wear her heart on her sleeve after the dreaded public humiliation by Brad and Angelina (her name is like a swear word! Spit it with all the vile loathing you can muster).
I actually think Jen does a good turn in this movie, but one can’t help but be reminded of her personal life, and how much she obviously drew on it.
The break up with Brad, and consequent formation of super power Brangelina (Curses!), seems to be to be a turning point in Aniston’s career. Things have become much more serious. She can often look as though she might burst into a fit of tears and roll around in the foetal position, but at the same time would skin you alive for pitying her. Her tragic love life has become greater than any film.
Being so constantly straight faced, she never lets her guard down enough to really loosen up and lose herself in any role. I doubt she would ever dare compromise her appearance for a part, say cut her hair or gain weight (as many film stars do to immerse themselves in a character). From recent magazine features where Aniston has revealed more than Mum would approve of to show off her fantastic body, it seems as though she is mostly concerned with showing the world (and Brad?) that she’s still got it.
You can’t help but wonder, could things have been different? If she had just one stand-out role in a film that isn’t entirely God-awful (don’t even get me started on Rumour Has It)…? If she and Brad were still together (Bradifer anyone)…? If she just cracked a smile?
…..No. Probably not. But I bet she lies awake at night torturing herself with those same questions.
Look on the bright side Jen – you’ve got a killer body and you’re super rich. And Brad is probably still thinking of you as he tucks into bed with that tattooed hunk of gristle.
LikeTags: Along Came Polly, Brad Pitt, Brangelina, Bruce Almighty, Channel 4, Cheer the F**k Up and gain some weight, Friends, Jennifer Aniston, Marley And Me, PC, Picture Perfect, programmes that are almost good, Rachel, Review, RomComs, sexy fun time, Tattooed Hunk Of Gristle, The Break Up, The Good Girl, The Object of My Affection, Upstaged By Animals, Vince Vaughn's Tired Face
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I’d tap that.
fantastic article, I’m going to read it again, memorise, and quote it to people in salons, and pretend I know what’s going on in the world.
jennifer aniston should’ve married the pale guy who ran that coffee shop in friends. things could’ve been really different for her. live and learn i suppose…
@Dave, he was a great guy, stable income, and grounded, most likely a much better father to her a child than Ross
@Daniel, i completely agree. he’s a great guy and he writes all the songs. and he looks like a baby which would help to build up a strong connection with said child.
Plus Ross is a douche.
Jennifer Anniston on the otherhand, has been cursed by Friends, much like all of them, its just impossible for the general movie going audience to see them in a different light.
Take Big Nothing for example, great film, great cast but you just cant help but think hey its Ross whys he doing all these dark and wierd things? And why does Simon Pegg have an american accent?
I wouldnt say shes a bad actor, Friends was great, as is the Leprechaun ha ha ha i Kid.
I challenge you to name a recent successful film starring someone from Friends?
matt le blanc in ‘lost in space’….
matthew perry in ‘17 again’….
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
@Dave
I’ve got a feeling that you want to set Aniston up with Gunther from friends because he looks like a glasses-less version of you!
@kesley, we was all thinking it, finally someone’s had the guts to say it
That’s not on. Dave is much more attractive then me.
dis-regard my previous statement
I don’t care what anyone says, she LOOKS LIKE A PILLOW, has SOFT CHEEKS and has SILKY, SOFT HAIR.
Lolz @Kevin
Wt abt Office Space innit? Kevin u goon im gna beat u up if u chat dat crap agen m8 im finking BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAP! Biy 4 now fans!
I see your point but perhaps she just stay’s too much like Rachael in all of them??????
@Keiran that WAS the point
I didn’t read it, I just looked at the pictures.
I retract that Keiran, you made a very good point.
Maybe I should have read the article properly before I put you down, now I’m a laughing stock
It’s ok Reginald, your intellect is vast and mighty, I am but a humble dick sucker, looking to the heavens, wishing I will one day comment with the integrity and conviction that your words possess
Hi agen fanz!! OH MY DAYS Keiran ur like blablabla U KNOW and ur also like talktalktalktalk but u dont talk SENSE! POW! And reginald mi man reginald wot du u fink dat ur playin @ boi we’re rising up now and ur jus tryin 2 corze beef u know and i fink POW coz if u dont sort it aht now den POW u know POW rite in ur gob POW POW ull wish u neva messd wiv me boi oh my dayz POW we’re rising up now oh my dayz POW I mean like really POW oh my dayz blud OH MY DAYZ! OH MY DAYZ, OH MY PAYS! Just, POW ull wish ud neva spoken ur stupid forts blud cuz we’re rising up now POW u know its gunna happen boi cuz we’re rising up now POW POW POW an down u go m8 POW u shud keep ur wize wordz 2 urself boi cos den i rely will POW u in2 DA NEXT FINANCIAL YEAR so keep it shut bellface or else POW I dont wanna hav 2 but I will if u make me boi POW I mean like POW! We’re rising up now boi POW so marf shut yeh or POW and Im not even jokin OH MY DAYZ Im not even jokin cos POW is gonna happon 2 u coz we’re rising up now m8y blud boi geeza POW POW POW POW POW POW we’re rising up now POW POW POW! And den u fall bown OH MY DAYZ and den u fall down.
POW! We’re rizing up now, we’re rising up now! POW! POW! We’re rising up now! OH MY DAYZ! POW!
Peace. Biy agen 4 now fanz!!!!! POW!
^what is this meaning?
Whoop! 20 whole comments on my article!
they may have all been nonsense, but they are comments nonetheless.
Mini wave in celebration to me.
WHAT?! WHAT?! Who iz u callin nonsense blud! AW SHIT! U sooooooo shuddnt hav dun that, AW SHIT MAN!! Im the baddest tosser in Stevenage, da nayburs know wen im around u know and they is scared of me. WHA!!!! der iz only 2 ways of sotin dis owt: 1. Scrap n 2. MC battle. Now u all know how 2 MC or else u iz sum kind of bender so get dose killa words reddy BRAP BRAP bring it on TWATZ!! AW SHIT!!!! XD
Im finking dat dis situashun iz coz dey r hating an
I will clobber any tosser who screwz wiv ma posseh
I av shagged all da hoes an broken every nose
If u want a fight ill give u a fight all rite!
Cos I iz a bad boi an u leve me no choice
im gunna stamp on ur grack an give u a smack!
Chewing da brinto an stealing da Vimto
dey say im a chav and yes im a chav
WHAT OF IT!! Im defnitly not shit.
U says not a tumer now get-a-sum humer
my tumer is warts, from fackin them whores
i dint use a jonny, but fey gave me a lolly!
My nob aint dat big so i no dat dey fib
wen dey say i was good CUZ BLUD, IM NOT GOOD!!!
peeple fink im a minger so i give dem da finger
but sumtimes i wunda if my shaggin numba
is hi enuf 4 me, my m8s hav had 3
times as many hoes, which jus goez 2 show
dat im an ugly twat hooz adicted too crack
but dis website has pissed me off, BIZZIE TO DA BOFF!
If u fink uv had me jopped, den its time dat u stopped
Cuz wivout evin tryin ive slapped u by rhymin!
BRRRAAAAP!!! TGGGGGGYAAA!!!! Now u can show us ow hard u fink nu r but ur not hard cos u r all a bunch of pussiez innit WHAT!!! POW! WEER RIZING UP NOW! BOOM! Biy wunce agen fanz!!! BOOOING!! BLAM!
love it kimmy
The thing is, this all suggests that our beloved Jennifer is in fact not such a great actress!
Her acting is safe and seemingly blinkered to the Rom/Com role. It is the Rachael character in friends which set her up for the roles in the films she has been in, and i suppose for film directors to cast her in the first place
As you say, i would feel sorry for her.. but sorry shes got one hell of a body and shes beautiful so think shes got enough to be fair
Wich 1 of u DICKHEADS BRICKED mi window in earlier.
it was me
Kimmy’s no.1 fan here (also called Kimmy, looks a lot like her, might be her)…just stopping by to say:
25 whole comments? some good, some bad, and some hard core MC-ing. WHOOP WHOOP!
^write another fucking article, I’ve read this one.
BOOM! Jo, I dunt fink ur bein serios, da brick thrower waz a guy innit.
Now, I kno I upset a lot of peepl wiv my rap*, but bricking my ouse in is GOING too far!
Hooever it wos, u gotta say sori 2 my dad! Good luck! BRRRRREEEEP!
Biy for now fans, keep sendin da luv!!!
*Due to the fucking AA BB CC etc rhyming structure, the rap was techincally ‘post-rap’, and bears strong similarities to such luminaries of the genre as ‘Smiler’ Flush, Silly Crablin, Rottin Teef, Dr Bass (Phd), Thoughts Man, and Fostor Pilkington.
What a great article, this website always gets me laughing
From a balance-sheet perspective, Jennifer Aniston is good news. Maaaaaaany many dollars to be MADE when she’s in the cast.