It's Not A Tumour!

A Fox In The South Of England Is Brutally Murdered By A Gang Of Chickens. This Is Real News, Although It Sounds Made Up. It Really Isn’t…Dave Hammond Investigates

By Dave on March 4th, 2010

A fox, not unlike this one was completely f**ked up by some chickens this week.

It was reported as the light hearted animal related story that usually concludes the 6 o’clock news, but this was no cliché cat up a tree, or urban badger gets a PHD drivel that we are accustomed to as we finish our dinner. No. On the 3rd of March 2010 viewers in the south of England were told a tale of a unique instance of inter species homicide; sometime in the early hours of the morning a fox was killed by a gang of chickens as it entered their coup…

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It’s Not A Tumour! Is Extremely Proud To Present The New Semi-Weekly Advice Column…ASK WESLEY: “Safe And Sound Advice From One Brother To Another”

By Dave on February 12th, 2010

"Ask Wesley" is in no way associated with popular movie actor Wesley Snipes or his estate.

ASK WESLEY provides brutally honest advice for those in need of help from a friendly celebrity face. Ask Wesley is you one stop shop if you need a multimillion dollar shoulder to cry on (metaphorically of course, don‘t be coming round my house with your weeping face or there will be no advice for you).

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In My Day, These Young Scallywags Would Be Doing Their National Service Instead Of Going Out Until The Early Hours Being Outrageous And Trendy…Kim Haydon Looks At The New Series Of Skins

By kim@itsnotatumour.com on February 12th, 2010

The daughter of Mr. T joins the cast of Skins. Let's hope Ms. T is just as outrageously trendy/troubled as the rest of the gang.

Nine angsty teens, high on drugs, shagging around, going to raves, wearing yesterday’s pants, and romping in the woods…hang on! I make that Pimms O’Clock! Don’t you?!

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So What Qualifications Did You get From Highschool? Well I Have a B- In Jazz Hand Theory, a C In Dancing In Unison, And an A+ In Grinning Inanely…Kim Haydon Watches Glee

By kim@itsnotatumour.com on February 4th, 2010

The singing and dancing cast of Glee. I however fear the chap in the wheelchair will not get an opportunity to develop his quickstep.

American high school setting, singing, clichéd but questionably hot characters, singing, dark humour, singing, Jane Lynch being totally brilliant, singing, dancing, and yet more singing. New hit musical comedy Glee is set to become the most popular form of escapism for the (female) population.

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King Of The Iron Fist Tournament Still Remains The Safe Haven For Those Who Hate The Elderly, Women, Animals, Most Ethnic Groups, And Mythical Beasts And Want To Give Them A Damn Good Thrashing…Sam Divey Reviews Tekken 6

By Sam on February 4th, 2010

Buy this game and kick endangered species in their loveable and scarce faces.

“The King of Iron Fist Tournament. Enter the… TEH-KENNN”

This little phrase is among my earliest memories of video games. After punching, kicking and throwing your way through eight matches of gruelling martial arts combat and beating up a big, hairy, flying troll at the end (not Bill Bailey with wings, in case you were wondering), the fight announcer would speak this line, pronounce the name of the game in a funny way, and the Tekken 3 credits would roll.

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